Tips for Assertiveness

Assertiveness concerns being able to express feelings, wishes, wants and desires appropriately and is an important personal and interpersonal skill. In all your interactions with other people, whether at home or at work, with employers, customers or colleagues, assertiveness can help you to express yourself in a clear, open and reasonable way, without undermining the rights of yourself or others.

Assertiveness enables an individual to act in their own best interests, to stand up for themselves without undue anxiety, to express honest feelings comfortably and to express personal rights without denying the rights of others.

Tips to increase Assertiveness are:

1) Write a list of things that you like about yourself and your positive qualities.

2) Each day affirm to yourself (at least ten times if you can) ‘ My self-esteem is growing every day’ and ‘ I am a valuable, loveable person and I deserve the very best’.

3) Quit comparing yourself to others. Remind yourself that there will always be some people who have more than you, and some people who have less. Comparing yourself to others will NOT make you feel good about yourself.

4) The next time you feel yourself saying Yes, when you really want to say No – ask yourself who you are trying to please? Then, decide to please yourself instead. Don’t fear feeling uncomfortable, this is a sign that you are learning to look after your own needs!

5) Try not to worry what people will think if you do say No or act assertive around them. The right people will respect you and your boundaries.

6) Remind yourself that you are HUMAN. Quit beating yourself up for not being perfect. Vow each day to praise yourself, not criticize yourself. This takes practise but even if you stop yourself from criticising yourself just once then you are making great progress.

7) If you are surrounded by negative people or energy drainers, this will make you feel bad about yourself and will lower your self-esteem. However, if you surround yourself with positive and supportive people you will feel better about yourself and this will raise your self-esteem.

8) Each night before you go to bed, think about (or write down if you wish) five successful things you have done that day. This could be as simple as getting to work on time, helping a friend or cooking a healthy dinner.

9) Set yourself a target of saying No at least twice a week.

10) Be true to yourself. Make sure you are living your own life and not the life someone else wishes you live.